Agreene's Thoughts

Where Real Writing Exists

Love it….. Let It Go…..

I have never really understood the sentence, “If you love something, let it go.” Why would I want to let someone I love go? That’s logic but when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s really easy to relate to it. I am living proof of continuously letting those I have loved go as well as things, but mostly people. I started to question though has anyone ever let me go and felt the heartache that I have felt? It seems to me (and I could be wrong) for those that let me go have moved on just fine. Not to say I am looking for someone to be miserable. But you can’t help but wonder, were you ever that significant in that person’s life to begin with? Everyone wants to be loved, even the most hated. It hurts when you can’t experience love and it hurts even more when love is only felt by one person and not mutually. With that in mind going back to my initial question, why would I want to something go if I loved it? It’s hard to find love these days and when you finally do find it, it’s even harder to let it go. Are we really giving up when we let someone go when we love them so? Or are we saving ourselves from further heartache by letting them go? I don’t have the answers to those questions. I just know if I do fall in love again, whatever I can do, I will make it my damn not to let it go.

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Determination

The best part of life in my personal opinion is people going hard for their goals. Determination is key in the world. Tonight, I finally was able to see my nephew perform at the famous Apollo Theater. His group, D-City had me cheering and screaming like they were already famous and not trying to get there. These young adults inspired and amazed me how they gave it their all to prove to a small fraction of the world, that they are worth it. When we reach adult ages, we lose that drive. We get caught up with working,surviving and other adult problems. We then forget to live and stop to take a breath. I couldn’t help but wonder, when do we lose the right to dream and why should we wake up? Sadly, I see so many people forget their dreams and by time they realize they should “wake up”, sometimes it’s too late. Some days I don’t go as hard as I should with my dreams of being an established writer but then I have those “wake up calls” to remind me to continue the fight. Thank you nephew, thank you D-City. You have ignited the fire that started to simmer and give hope to those that have none.Wishing you the best, agreenethought.

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Birds of a Feather Flock Together?

I was talking to someone one day about relationships and she said something to me that struck a thought. Dealing with her own issues with the guy she has been “dating” for a while she said to me, ” Men who have friends that are in relationships will most likely be prone to find themselves a mate as well. But if the man’s friends are all having problems with their relationships, then the guy would want to stay clear away from getting into a relationship in fear that his will fail as well.” Does this really hold true to the saying, “Birds of a feather flock together?” I started to evaluate the theory further. Using the most recent guy I was dating, observed all of the male relations he had. His brother was in a failed marriage and has a son he loves but sometimes wishes he didn’t have because now he is attached to his baby mother for life. Then his other friend married and became the “housewife”. Another one of his friends was in a verbal abusive relationship and he was the one getting abused! The list goes on with his friends relationship mishaps. The guy I was dating wasn’t perfect either but he was perfect for me, but unfortunately because of everything he has been exposed to growing up, he probably will never have a steady relationship with anyone. Obviously him and I are not together anymore. Let’s look at the theory from the female perspective. Now most women whether they are in healthy relationships or not are happy they have someone even if they are just connected to the man as a baby mama. Women are more emotional creatures, so we crave the need to be love, to be held, taken care of and security. Women like the idea of a family and spending their lives with one person. Now if you take that and add female friends to the picture you will see that this theory is proving correct. I have notice females that have something that their friends might not have, instantly craves it. Majority of my friends now have children and I am not at all craving that aspect but I have seen when one woman has a child a couple of months later their friend gets pregnant. You would think it was a secret pregnancy pact among them. Honestly it could be but most likely it is just the nature of the beast. Men and women literally live on separate planets, mentally at least. Some how though it works for some. For those it didn’t, well don’t give up but don’t go for it because someone else has it and don’t run for it because of fear your might not work.

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Father vs Mother

It takes two to make a baby. It also takes dedication to “earn” the role as a parent. To get the “title” as mommy and daddy. My mother,my heart, my soul,my thoughts, my breath that I take is the reason I keep pushing to be better. I want her to be able to rest so she can reap in the benefits of the rewards I earned for us. She worked so hard and sacrifice so much for me so I would never want. I don’t know anyone who wouldnt initially want to have both parents in there lives. Life isn’t so easy for it to happen that way. I was raised as a mommy’s girl. I don’t know the “truth” of what happen between my parents or the reason why it took so long for me to meet the man that played a part in the creation of me. What I do know is that I was loved,I’ve never wanted for anything and I was blessed. Between the ages of what I can remember, I have tried to “give my father a chance” to enter my life. He had continously, (for lack of a better phrase) fucked up consisently. I have never met a grown man who is less mature than his offspring. It made me think, is there any hope for children in the world that is born to senseless parents? Sometimes I think people should really stop procreating because all they is doing is increasing drug using, alcoholism,the murder rate,depression and suicide. Then I have that optimistic hope from the writer who has been married for awhile with a child and takes cares of home, or the mother that loves his son for who he is and encourages his accomplishments no matter what struggles he goes through. The mother who gives her last dime to bankruptcy to make sure her daughter has a memorable childhood, or the parents that been together through the good and bad. If I ever decide to have children,they will have the best gift possible, TWO parents together who love them and is together through the good and bad. I don’t want a one eight parent who has there own hang ups from their own miserable life. To all the real mother’s and father’s, I salute you. You create a lasting impression on these future adults to become strong,independent and dedicated.

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Afraid of Fear

What are we really afraid of? Are we afraid to lose? To not have loved? To not be love? To not have a family? To not a have a career? The time we spend living in fear, is the time we can on living life and going after what we want. It’s not easy to let go of fear. Fear is its own entity. We allow it to consume our lives until sometimes we can’t breathe. I have held onto a lot of fear for the life I have lived so far. I feared to let go of someone I loved, to let go of my grandmothers as they passed and now I am afraid to let go of someone who finally reentered my life. I am also afraid that my voice, my words and thoughts wont reach the lives of millions and be passed on when I have passed on. What I came to realized that fear is also very dangerous. It can attach itself on other weaker emotions such as jealousy, anger, sadness and even happiness.You ask even happiness? Yes, because when people are happy, others living with fear see that and they become envious or jealous and they want what they have so they can  be happy. Some might try to obtain such happiness in a positive way and others might try to sabotage their happiness because “misery loves company”. I am far from perfect and it will probably take a while for me to let go of fear completely, but everyday I do, I become stronger. And every time I become stronger I let go being afraid of fear.

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Catch Me When I Fall Not When I Am Caught…

Everyone wants to be successful. Whether it is celebrity status they want, financial security,or small time fame everyone wants to be known. If you think about it, why not? We only have one life to live and we wouldn’t want to die knowing that we didn’t live it to the fullest. I woke up this morning and I started to think about my own road to success. I thought about what I accomplish so far, what I still need to work on, the people in my life,the ones who left my life and the type of people I need in my life. What I couldn’t help to think about was the people who left and the people who are still here. I know I shouldnt worry about the people who left my life but I couldn’t shake the fact that them leaving is the reason why I am in a better place in my life. Does getting rid of the old make room for the new you? You wouldn’t be human if you say that it doesn’t make you a tad sad for some of the people who left your life. Whether they left willingly or forcefully. Then I started to wonder why were these people ever in my life from the beginning if they wasnt going to stay with me for the good and bad? Those are the same people who will try to come back into your life once you are doing well for yourself. I don’t want people to “catch me when I already being caught” I want people “to catch me when I fall” Be there for me when I am at my worse and when I am at my best.That shows loyalty, honesty and the true meaning of friendship. It tells me that you don’t mind riding on my tugboat until I get my yacht. Sadly, the nature of the beast always proves me wrong. I will continue to cut the grass every now and then, so the snakes can rear their ugly little heads. I will also appreciate those holding my “safety net” in case I fall.

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Love Without A Title

When I was little, I dreamed of the fairytale love story. I would meet my knight and he would whisk me off my feet, we would marry, live in a beautiful home and have pretty babies. What the hell was I thinking? As I got older I fought so hard to have a similar picture of what I envisioned when I was little. The bad part about it was every “relationship” I got into, was an ultimate fail. I sometimes think I am doomed to be lonely. Funny thing is though, I was having a conversation with one of my good friends and she bought up an interesting comparison. When I was in a relationship with a title things was going bad. Now that I am not in a “relationship” and I don’t have a title things are going good. After that I started to question, why is that relations that don’t have ties are the ones that stayed tied? Maybe it is the “no pressure” element in these non-existent relations that keep people together. Or it can be that we concentrate so much on a title that we lose the very important ingredient to the mix, which is letting things develop naturally between two people. Whatever it is, I wouldn’t choose jumping heart first into another a relationship again. I choose to take my time and let things grow on its own.

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