Agreene's Thoughts

Where Real Writing Exists

Rush To Run Down The Aisle…. Or Be Forever Lonely?

I was watching Real Housewives of Atlanta and watching the pure and utter desperation from Kenya was more painful to watch than anything I can think of. My brother-in-law bought up a point that made me start thinking. He said that if a woman is not married by the age range between 35 and 40 then there is something wrong with the woman. I was confused at first and then he started to explain himself further from a males perspective. He says to me that a man is going to look at a woman such as Kenya for example and see a strong black intelligent accomplished and independent woman. Then he is going to ask himself why a woman such as herself is not tied down and then that starts to bring up red flags to a man, advising the man to proceed with caution. I sat back after he finished his explanation and thought to myself, ” If I myself don’t get married or can’t married by a certain time frame does that necessarily mean there is something wrong with me or am I just setting the bar too high?” I don’t think that wanting someone who is going to add to my life and have certain standards is setting the bar too high for someone to enter my life. Some women settle for anyone and anything just to say they have someone and I am not that type of woman. If that means that I am going to be one of those “red flag women” who isn’t married by 35, then so be it. I know there isn’t really any detrimentally wrong with me that would cause a man to run for the hills. I just havent ran into my king as of yet….

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We Can’t Be Friends…

Man: “Excuse me miss, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Woman: “Sure.”

Man: “Do you have a man? I find you really attractive and I was  interested in getting to know you better.”

Woman: “I am sorry but currently I am in a relationship right now.”

Man: ” Okay, I do understand that. Can I still get your number, maybe we can keep in contact and still be friends.”

Freeze! This mini skit I just wrote has been heard by myself and witness more times that I can count.Men used this line over and over again because they don’t want to strike out the complete opportunity of having their current “eye candy” completely walk out of their life. Men think that if they used the friend line then eventually if things don’t work out with the woman and her love interest, they can easily slide in and pick up the pieces. Reality check.Men and women can not be just friends. For women if you have male friends you grew up with or they happen to be friends of the family, it seem like that is the only way to have a platonic relationship. But to go out today and meet a guy and don’t want any intimate relationship just company and some laughs, doesn’t seem like it is going to happen. Initially when a man approaches a woman it is an instant attraction. An attraction to be intimate with the woman or to look for a meaningful relationship. Not to be best friends forever.It doesn’t happen. Currently I am not interested in dating right now.I just want a male friend that I can have a bond with like I have with my girlfriends.Having that gender change of scenery is always refreshing because you get to see a different aspect of life and way of thinking.  I know how to the female mind work now I want to learn the males brain. Until a man can get past my looks and just take me as just a friend with no personal gain, then it will always be ladies night out.

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Peter Pan Syndrome

” I don’t want to grow up,” ” I am not going to have kids until I am in my 40’s,” “What is the rush, I am still young,” “I may not be able to have sex with every woman in the world, but I am sure going to try,” ” I have been hurt before and I am just not ready to give my heart away again.” These are the lines I have encountered from men in the last 10 years and I am not even in my thirties yet. I am so tired of men with what I like to call the “Peter Pan Syndrome” where they don’t ever what to grow up and be a man. They rather have meaningless interactions with females (a.k.a. sex) or just do unproductive daily things with their “boys”, i.g. drink, smoke, talk nonsense, booty watch, watch movies and play games. Relationships don’t have the structure or blueprint it once before I was born. When something was broken in a relationship, people wouldn’t throw it away initially, they would work on fixing it. Most men these days are stuck in the “Peter Pan Syndrome” because it is easy to not be attached and have to actually work through any problems that might arise. I never thought I would be twenty-eight years old and talking about giving about on  the chance on finding a good man. We only have one live to live no matter how cliché that may sound.I don’t understand why a man can’t shake his fear of commitment off. It doesn’t matter if it is a good man or a bad man, they all have this fear of being with one woman and being faithful to one woman. If you find a good man who is willing to settle down, make sure you do your part to keep him. The men that want someone to share their life with is becoming just as scarce as teenager girls actually waiting to have a baby past the eleventh grade.

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Book Cover vs The Chapters

“You can never judge a book by its cover.”  What I love most about this quote is the double standard of it personally for me. Yes, it is true you can never judge a person from the outside without knowing the inside first. Then on the other side by human nature, we do it anyway. When you look at someone while walking down the street that you find physically interesting or by what people are wearing. I am guilty of it myself when I met this guy recently. I thought he was a player pretty boy type, conceited and flashy. When I finally had the opportunity to hang with him in a different setting I realized that he was sweet, generous, with a great sense of humor and eclectic. He surprised me but in a good way. The “book cover” was just to grab my attention but “the chapters” is what keeps you reading. Will the human race ever stop judging? No, but some will make a conscience effort to modify their ways to sleep better at night. Myself, I live in reality. I will never stop judging because judging is part of our decision-making. People should make a better effort to read past the book cover, you never know the story might be interesting.

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You Matter To Me…..

I think every female wants a man to say, ” you matter to me.” That protection, that comfort, reassurance that you would be the only one that he wants. It is hard to find a man that will be your king. Some men dont want to grow up and accept that we only have one life to live. The importantce of finding a mate that you can spend your days and nights with, since tomorrow isnt promised. Sometimes I can honestly say I have giving up on love and finding someone who only have eyes for me. Then something happens, a look, a compliment or even watching a spontaneous love scene from a movie and hope is somewhat restored.

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Love it….. Let It Go…..

I have never really understood the sentence, “If you love something, let it go.” Why would I want to let someone I love go? That’s logic but when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s really easy to relate to it. I am living proof of continuously letting those I have loved go as well as things, but mostly people. I started to question though has anyone ever let me go and felt the heartache that I have felt? It seems to me (and I could be wrong) for those that let me go have moved on just fine. Not to say I am looking for someone to be miserable. But you can’t help but wonder, were you ever that significant in that person’s life to begin with? Everyone wants to be loved, even the most hated. It hurts when you can’t experience love and it hurts even more when love is only felt by one person and not mutually. With that in mind going back to my initial question, why would I want to something go if I loved it? It’s hard to find love these days and when you finally do find it, it’s even harder to let it go. Are we really giving up when we let someone go when we love them so? Or are we saving ourselves from further heartache by letting them go? I don’t have the answers to those questions. I just know if I do fall in love again, whatever I can do, I will make it my damn not to let it go.

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Determination

The best part of life in my personal opinion is people going hard for their goals. Determination is key in the world. Tonight, I finally was able to see my nephew perform at the famous Apollo Theater. His group, D-City had me cheering and screaming like they were already famous and not trying to get there. These young adults inspired and amazed me how they gave it their all to prove to a small fraction of the world, that they are worth it. When we reach adult ages, we lose that drive. We get caught up with working,surviving and other adult problems. We then forget to live and stop to take a breath. I couldn’t help but wonder, when do we lose the right to dream and why should we wake up? Sadly, I see so many people forget their dreams and by time they realize they should “wake up”, sometimes it’s too late. Some days I don’t go as hard as I should with my dreams of being an established writer but then I have those “wake up calls” to remind me to continue the fight. Thank you nephew, thank you D-City. You have ignited the fire that started to simmer and give hope to those that have none.Wishing you the best, agreenethought.

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Birds of a Feather Flock Together?

I was talking to someone one day about relationships and she said something to me that struck a thought. Dealing with her own issues with the guy she has been “dating” for a while she said to me, ” Men who have friends that are in relationships will most likely be prone to find themselves a mate as well. But if the man’s friends are all having problems with their relationships, then the guy would want to stay clear away from getting into a relationship in fear that his will fail as well.” Does this really hold true to the saying, “Birds of a feather flock together?” I started to evaluate the theory further. Using the most recent guy I was dating, observed all of the male relations he had. His brother was in a failed marriage and has a son he loves but sometimes wishes he didn’t have because now he is attached to his baby mother for life. Then his other friend married and became the “housewife”. Another one of his friends was in a verbal abusive relationship and he was the one getting abused! The list goes on with his friends relationship mishaps. The guy I was dating wasn’t perfect either but he was perfect for me, but unfortunately because of everything he has been exposed to growing up, he probably will never have a steady relationship with anyone. Obviously him and I are not together anymore. Let’s look at the theory from the female perspective. Now most women whether they are in healthy relationships or not are happy they have someone even if they are just connected to the man as a baby mama. Women are more emotional creatures, so we crave the need to be love, to be held, taken care of and security. Women like the idea of a family and spending their lives with one person. Now if you take that and add female friends to the picture you will see that this theory is proving correct. I have notice females that have something that their friends might not have, instantly craves it. Majority of my friends now have children and I am not at all craving that aspect but I have seen when one woman has a child a couple of months later their friend gets pregnant. You would think it was a secret pregnancy pact among them. Honestly it could be but most likely it is just the nature of the beast. Men and women literally live on separate planets, mentally at least. Some how though it works for some. For those it didn’t, well don’t give up but don’t go for it because someone else has it and don’t run for it because of fear your might not work.

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Father vs Mother

It takes two to make a baby. It also takes dedication to “earn” the role as a parent. To get the “title” as mommy and daddy. My mother,my heart, my soul,my thoughts, my breath that I take is the reason I keep pushing to be better. I want her to be able to rest so she can reap in the benefits of the rewards I earned for us. She worked so hard and sacrifice so much for me so I would never want. I don’t know anyone who wouldnt initially want to have both parents in there lives. Life isn’t so easy for it to happen that way. I was raised as a mommy’s girl. I don’t know the “truth” of what happen between my parents or the reason why it took so long for me to meet the man that played a part in the creation of me. What I do know is that I was loved,I’ve never wanted for anything and I was blessed. Between the ages of what I can remember, I have tried to “give my father a chance” to enter my life. He had continously, (for lack of a better phrase) fucked up consisently. I have never met a grown man who is less mature than his offspring. It made me think, is there any hope for children in the world that is born to senseless parents? Sometimes I think people should really stop procreating because all they is doing is increasing drug using, alcoholism,the murder rate,depression and suicide. Then I have that optimistic hope from the writer who has been married for awhile with a child and takes cares of home, or the mother that loves his son for who he is and encourages his accomplishments no matter what struggles he goes through. The mother who gives her last dime to bankruptcy to make sure her daughter has a memorable childhood, or the parents that been together through the good and bad. If I ever decide to have children,they will have the best gift possible, TWO parents together who love them and is together through the good and bad. I don’t want a one eight parent who has there own hang ups from their own miserable life. To all the real mother’s and father’s, I salute you. You create a lasting impression on these future adults to become strong,independent and dedicated.

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Afraid of Fear

What are we really afraid of? Are we afraid to lose? To not have loved? To not be love? To not have a family? To not a have a career? The time we spend living in fear, is the time we can on living life and going after what we want. It’s not easy to let go of fear. Fear is its own entity. We allow it to consume our lives until sometimes we can’t breathe. I have held onto a lot of fear for the life I have lived so far. I feared to let go of someone I loved, to let go of my grandmothers as they passed and now I am afraid to let go of someone who finally reentered my life. I am also afraid that my voice, my words and thoughts wont reach the lives of millions and be passed on when I have passed on. What I came to realized that fear is also very dangerous. It can attach itself on other weaker emotions such as jealousy, anger, sadness and even happiness.You ask even happiness? Yes, because when people are happy, others living with fear see that and they become envious or jealous and they want what they have so they can  be happy. Some might try to obtain such happiness in a positive way and others might try to sabotage their happiness because “misery loves company”. I am far from perfect and it will probably take a while for me to let go of fear completely, but everyday I do, I become stronger. And every time I become stronger I let go being afraid of fear.

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